Category: Let's talk
There was a QN discussion earlier about why it's acceptable for an older man to hug a teenage girl on the Internet, but in real life he would be considered a pervert. The general idea was that a 'hug' in Zone world doesn't necessarily mean an actual hug, but is more a way of separating those you really like from those you only tolerate or don't know well enough to 'hug'. Now, speaking only for myself, the people I 'hug' around here are people I would also hug in the real world, if we should happen to meet, but it's an interesting thought.
I know there's a similar topic around here somewhere, but I don't feel like looking for it, so: How different are your actions and personality in Zone world from those in the real world? Do you do or say things here that you wouldn't do or say in real life, and if so, what are they? Also, do you consider the people you've met and like here friends, or do you only consider your friends to be offline contacts?
I'm the same in both places. I've learned though that unless you've met the person in real life they arn't worth confiding anything in.
Shea is with jared on this one. What you hear of me on the zone, is what you'll hear of me in real life. What's the point of pretending to be someone your not? it's going to catch up with you in the long run anyway. I too have learned people you call your friends on the zone, may be just that a friend on the zone. in real life they don't care about your feelings like a real friend would or whatever. in saying this, i don't feel this way about all. you'll know if there your friends for life or just a zone companion!
smiles shea
hi, I 'm not sure if we're talking about the zone bbs site here, or the internet zone in general, but I'm pretty much the same on here as I am in person. I have encountered obnoxious people on the net, email lists, acccessible chat etc, who think it's alright to be mean and nasty on the net, because it's just a chat program, or it's just the internet, so people and their felings don't matter, but I've been told such people probably wouldn't even say boo to you in person. I believe in treating people the same on the net as you would if they were in person, and treat them the way you would want them to treat you, if and when thats possible.
wonderwoman
I think I'm the same on the zone as I am in real life. If you've become a good friend to me, then you have my number my address if need be, we talk offline to in the end. I'm also just as blunt in reality, so it's not just 1 aspect of me that is the same. and like Chelsea, if I hug someone here then I'd want to in reality. I'll admit occasionally there is someone I'll hug in return more out of politeness than desire to, but I think many of us have done, or will do that. As for the issue of an older person hugging a teenager, I think it depends on circomstances, and what age teenager. I think that we need understand that the age of conscent is different in different countries, and even states, and that may have a baring on how people enterpret innocent displays of affection as well.
I don't have a problem with hugging, but I'm sort of shy about it and will usually only hug back if the other person initiates it. However, here on the zone, let's say I log in six separate times throughout the day and hug certain people each time. I don't think most of us will hug someone every single time we see them if we see them several times each day. But I agree that saying hugs to people on here is a way of differentiating between those we really like and those we don't care for that much or don't know.
I normally hug someone in return on here if they hug me first. I don't initiate it myself cuz I'm sorta shy about that sort of thing and plus I don't really know anyone well enough to do that sort of thing on my own in the first place.
Same as in real life except it's basically the same even if I know you I'm still shy about it. Kinda the same with me not messaging people or starting convos on here. I'm still shy on them cases to.
I am the same person if you met me on the street. I believe in being nice to people even these I don't know or like. I'd rather try to make a person smile before I'd curse them.
As for hugs on the Zone I give them as tokens of friendship and kindness and would give them if I met that person, male or female. If a person I didn't know wasn't uptight and would except a hug from me I give it as well. As far as an older man hugging a teen girl I don't see a hug as a sexual jester. Even a light kiss on the cheek isn't sexual to me, so I'd give both to any age, male or femail if I met them.
Last to me the giving of such affection is a kindness and even give hugs to a rude person mmight make them less so. If I understand a person is uptight about hugs I'll not crowd their space. I just think most people are so worried about sexuallity they can't get to simple affection and I find that sad. Affection and sex are two separate things.
You know that is a really interesting question, I caught myself acting differently and saying things that I would never say in person when I first got on this site and now am extrememly embarrassed about it. I think I wanted people to like me so much that I was willing to comprimise my own integrity and morals just so someone would talk to me. I wanted to be a more interesting person than I really am I guess. I have been lonely for so long that i tried to hard. I am married but since I lost my eyesight our relationship has been very strained. I have a son that lives right by me, but he is autistic and conversation with an autistic person can be rather challenging. I am just a normal woman, I like to read, listen to tv, crochet, fish, camp, and love animals. I have had absolutely no training in orientation and mobility or any other adaptive skills, so I am stuck in this apartment 24 7 with an asshole that totally ignores me anymore. So I tried to be something I was not at first just so people would talk to me. I have decided though that if people do not want to talk to me the way I am or if I have to pretend to be something I am not, then what benifit is that truly? So I will present my real side to people. If I develop friendship on this site that will be great, if not well I attend Blind Inc in the next couple of months and hopefully will make friends ther..
Hope nothing I said offends anyone. I do not mean to.
Tonja Glass
I have to agree with Wayne here, I am also the same online as in real life. I will give hugs to those I know that are ok with it, and if someone isn't alright I will give them space. But I don't believe in being one person online, and a hole another off line. I try and be kind to all, and even if you can't stand me, I am still polite to the end. I no, people are rude online, in general, but I still try to treat them with respect. But there is my two sense on this topic.
Boy, this is really an interesting topic. And it's made me think about things I wouldn't have thought of otherwise. Thanks for posting it DancingAfterDark.
I don't hug much on the zone or in person. I'll hug back, but never initiate it. Just my upbringing, I think.
I do think that at times I am more brash here on the zone because it doesn't really matter if people like you or not. I mean, we will probably never meet in the real world.
However, since I've been coming on here I have met a lot of people, and met some people I would consider friends in either world. I'm usually pretty shy in the real world, but go out of my way here to say hello to new people and others that I see on the boards that I think I would like to know.
I could write a book on this, but I won't. Suffice it to say, this is really an interesting topic.
Bob
what you see of me on the zone, is what you'd get in real life. so if someone has done something to upset me, I'll react the same way as in real life. I think some people can hide behind their keyboards and say stuff they wouldn't dream of in real life.; that really irritates me!
I don't know if it'd be exactly against the law in real life if an older man were to hug a teenager - of course, making out is different though. definitely wouldn't even say it's an issue at all in the internet world.
I'm a bit the same as Kev in that, very occasionally I return hugs on zone which, if it were real life, I probably wouldn't be doing, but the majority of the time I would also hug them in real life.
RD Freak if what I see of you on the zone is what I see of you in real life, then I don't see you on either, so what's that saying? lol
Nem-
For the most part, what you see of me on the zone is what you'll get in real life. The people I hug, even though most of them happen to be teens, I'll hug them if and when I meet them. I consider my zone friends to be friends that I hope to meet someday. I'll swear every second word with the friends I swear with, but I don't swear in public in real life, as I sometimes do in public qn's here. But, for those of you whom I talk to, when you meet me, if I hug you virtually here, you can expect hugs, if we swear, you can expect swears, whatever we discuss in our private notes, you can expect we'll discuss it.
You know, the only thing I don't do in real life as easily as I do on here is approaching a possible new friend to make friendsl. Like in real life, I am a bit shyer than I am to come up to someone, but here if I see someone is interesting through their profile, I have no problem introducing myself in a private note and seeing where the friendship goes.
I act the same in both worlds just not as violent in real life in fact i am not violent at all in life. I also don't cus people out near as bad
I'm sure I've said THINGS ON THE NET THAT i WOULDN'T SAY IN REAL LIFE. Though if you asked me to site an example, I couldn't give you any. If I hug a person on the zone then I'd hug them in real life. What you see of me on Vintrillo or skype if you have ever talked to me on those places is what you'll get in real person.
John
Hi tanja,
well I've come to conclusion that getting people to like you is very hard strenuous work indeed. You have to be very careful of what to say, what not to say, because this person or that person might think this or that. I've found that 90 percent of the time, people could care less what kind of impression I might be getting from them, so if i'm dealing with that sort, then i feel no need to care too much what they might think of me. I think it's better to just be what you are, and wait for those who know what you are, and like you for it rather than trying to act this or that way. If i'm talking to what i think is a sensitive person, then i will be gentle with them, and try to give as nice of an impression of myself to them as I get from them. I ten not to say much to people who cyber hug, since in life I don't hug anyone except my mom, and maybe my cousins when i see them which is years in between. If I don't get too good of impression of someone and they don't seem to care what i think or how i feel, then I do't go to lengths to create any impression at all.I think, and i'm speaking mostly for myself probably, that for the thousands of people who might not like you if you're outspoken and say what you feel, there are at leastone or two people out there who will understand where you're coming from whether or not they entirely agree with you.
wonderwoman
Chelsea, great topic.
I too am pretty much the same in both worlds, if not more blunt in reality. I also agree with what Chelsea and Becky have said regarding hugs. I can say with almost absolute certitude: if you've gotten a hug from me on the zone, you'd get one were we to meet at some point.
Chelsea, I'm glad you brought this up. You said it had been posted somewhere else before, but I can't find where, so I'm glad you created this thread.
When I first came online years ago, I was definitely different online than in the real world. I was far more blunt. I was more brave behind a keyboard than I was in real life. However, in the past few years, how I act in both worlds has equaled out. So now, the way I am on here is mostly what you see in real life. I don't hug someone on here unless I'd want to do so in the real world. I talk to people on here, but don't confide really deep problems unless I've known them for awhile, enough to talk out side of the Zone at least.
Tonja, be who you are, let us get to know youfor who you are. If people like you, cool. If they don't, screw them, you don't need them anyway.
Bye bye, all!
I can honestly say that I don't hug anyone online who I would not hug offline. I don't return hugs out of politeness because they hug me first or anything like that. If I'm hugged by someone I wouldn't have hugged myself, I'll 'hi' them.
And I agree with Jared to a certain extent, but I don't think that rule applies to everyone. There are some people I would confide almost anything to, and they're people I've met here and only talk to on messengers and such. But there are definitely those I would consider no more than Zone friends, and I wouldn't tell them anything really personal.
What you see of me on line, is most deffinintly what you get off line. If I don't like you on line, then chances are, I won't off line. If someone gets me mad in real life, they get the same as they do if they were on line. If I like you, I'll hug you, if not, I won't. If I talk a certain way to you in private notes, I'll do it in life as well. The only thing I do most of the time in public notes, is watch my language, and that's because I kno that some people have a problem with it. I only hug thoes that I'd consider friends in both worlds, btw, but if you hug me first, I'll return it out of niceness. What I wrote in my profile is the honest truth. I am a bitch, like it or not.
Oh, I should also just say, that even if I talk to you on line, doesn't mean that I would off line either, unless I get to kno you. Just because I talk to you in publics, doesn't necesarily mean that we'll become friends either.
I'm pretty much the way I would be offline, in that if I feel a certain way or would say or do a certain thing online, I would do the same offline. However, I am a little less shy online. For instance, if I feel like I have to say something (like if someone say is rude to me or something) I'll usually do it where as in real life I would just walk away, ignore them, or not know what to say to the person. Other that that though, my expressions and actions are what I'd actually be expressing offline.
Also, I think I am more talkative and sociable in general most of the time when writing, whereas in a real-life voice chat or face-to-face/group situation, I usually don't talk much or at all to people I don't know well.
This is a very interesting topic. Thanks for posting.
I try to be the same in online areas as in real life. Some will like me, others I'm sure will not. I'm a relatively quiet and focused person.
In real life I don't hug someone unless I'm in a relationship with them or they're family. On the Internet I consider a hug as more of a greeting, so I'd "hug" people that I'd give a handshake in real life. It's also worth noting that I don't read every single quicknote that scrolls by when I log in, so I might miss hugs that are thrown my way. That isn't meant as an insult toward those hugging me, and I definitely appreciate the centiment.
It's really interesting to see others' responses, and that it's possible to have such an interesting conversation here. Sometimes I get surrounded by the drama and it's hard to see anything else.
Hmmmm. Yeah. Loving the contrast. For my part, I think the people I zone hug are generally people I'd really hug, although I do the return hug out of politeness occasionally. But then, I'm pretty free with hugs in real life as well.
I've found myself talking to internet people about all sorts of things, often with no recollection of how it came up, usually the same people I care about, and worry about when they're having a hard time, and think about when they have job interviews, and burble at when I've had a good day, and so yeah, I count them as actual friends. I'm very careful though, with things I actually want to stay confidential. I wouldn't trust a secret in this place for as long as it takes to do a cut and paste.
If anything, I tend to be more formal online, because it involves the written word. I believe myself to be a mild-mannered person, both online and in real life. I won't back away from an issue, but I'm not aggressive either; I speak my truth quietly (a-la Desiderata).
My experience is that there are people whose conversation you crave and you look forward to next contact with keen anticipation; those are Internet friends and may become friends in real life. Common interests are always a good starting point for friendships.
There's no doubt, the word 'friend' is used far too often and lightly in chat. Sometimes, despite best intentions, one or other loses interest in maintaining the contact, leaving the other feeling rejected. When this happens, rather than feeling disheartened, I try to remind myself that everyone (regardless how long they stay) touches your life for a reason; perhaps to show or teach you something, or just to be a sounding board.
Now, finally to the subject: I don't give hugs frivolously online, but I'm not averse to them and don't think they imply anything sexual. Men, at the end of a conversation, you'll know if I'm keen to chat with you again and ladies, if I get to know you well enough, you might even get some XOXOXOXOXO in closing.
I am pretty much the same online as I am offline, accept that I am pretty shy at first when I first meet someone or talk to them off line. I am able to express myself more freely online for some reason, maybe it's just the fact that I can hide behind a keyboard and hide the expressions of nervousness on my face. Maybe, it's the fact that I am in my own environment making my own rules, so if something went wrong, I could fix it in my own mind. Still though, when I have broken that shyness around people, I'm genuinely very social and outgoing, and I do hug people in real life like I would on the zone, the only thing is with me though I would wonder how people might take a hug, if they would always take it as a sexual gesture or something like that if I hugged smeone offline, when I only meant it to be a friendly hug.
Agreed, Jess. I tend to be a little more on the shy side when meeting people in real life than I am online. That's not to say I'm a generally shy person, because I'm definitely not, but I don't often just jump into conversations with random people in the real world the way I've been known to do here. And yeah Erin, I wouldn't trust a secret around this place either, but there are people who frequent it that I'd tell one to and be able to feel pretty confident that they wouldn't share it with anyone else.
Also, I do say some things in public QN's that I dont necessarily mean, but I do that for the amusement of the reactions, which is something I also do in the offline world, to an extent. I probably wouldn't, for example, share a story about a sexual experience I've had in a public setting with a mixed group in the real world, whereas I have done that here. Heh, but again, only for the reactions, folks.
I am gnerally the same online and off, though I like to think I'm a little less shy here. A practice I seem to have begun spyratically is to welcome new users to the place, make them feel like there's someone around all the bullshit. I'd do that too in real life, but it's a bit harder to detect those people.
I agree with chelsea. I am myself on here. At first I can be a bit quiet, but that goes away after I get to know people. I would also hug to people i hug on here.
I agree with Wonder Woman. just be yourself
I am on the zone as I am in real life. If I hug you on the zone, you can bet I'd do it in real life. Oh, yeah, and if you see me hugging a lot on the zone? It's because I love to hug a lot in real life.
I find that the zone helps me come out of my shell, which is something I'm trying to accomplish more and more in real life. Besides, what an awesome way to make friends around the world! *SMILE*
Oh, and Kev, I want to publicly apologize. I got annoyed by you before I heard you on VT, but that's because I thought you were a kid. LOL!
Now I've heard your voice, and I think we've met virtually before...your voice is familiar...and I know it's just you being blunt. I apologize if I said anything mean or nasty to you.
I'm a bit shyer offline. It takes me a lot to talk especially if it's from someone I don't hardly know and it's only a 'hello'. Regarding the hugs thing: I've done it out of being nice a few times, but the majority of the time, who I hug shall get a hug if we were ever to meet.
As a complete aside: Bauer, you less 'blunt' in person? Jesus, I wonder, do you kill the people you don't like that live within a reasonable distance of you? To think I admire your 'blunt' trait...
I only hug those i'd hug in real life.
The person you see on the zone is the same person in real life. I don't try to put up fronts because that doesn't get me anywhere because in the end the truth always comes out.
i can act a little silly sometimes, and that's mainly just for a laugh. the polar bear thing is pure fun and that's it. Read my profile and you get the real me, I am honest about what I like, what I don't etc. I can have serious conversations, but can be crazy too.